Gravity and Justice For All … Lower Florida Keys Shitgrinder Rebellion

Aw shit …

This all falls on mechanically retarded me

to try to explain why it it a terrible idea

to use shit grinder pumps in the Cudjoe sewer district

anywhere gravity sewer systems can be used.

 

Aw shit,

I don’t see no way to pass Arnaud and Naja’s

blue monster forensic muster

but perhaps they will cut me some slack

and just let me tell what I have to tell

and leave for other bawds, er bards,

to tear it up, fix it, or make it worse.

 

Aw shit,

since I be a poet by inclination,

but once a lawyer by trade,

perhaps I should start at the end

and work back to the start

of a four week crash course in shit management.

 

Aw shit,

perhaps I start with Wednesday’s

Florida Keys Aqueduct Authority’s waterboard agenda

at FKAA’s offices on J.F. Kennedy R.I.P. Drive Key West.

 

Aw shit,

Cudjoe shit management not on the waterboard agenda,

but Governor Scott’s magnificent five waterboard directors don’t care,

graciously offer they circa 20 aggrieved shit petitioners

traveled many shit-grinding leagues to seek

“Gravity and justice for all!”

time to speak.

 

Aw shit,

waterboard leader Bob the Dean says

all along FKAA wanted gravity and justice for all,

let us hear what you good grinder shit foes have to say!

 

Aw shit,

the good grinder shit foes say,

gravity is free energy,

grinders need ‘lectricity.

 

Aw shit,

no ‘lectricity,

no grinder shit moves.

 

Aw shit,

gravity lines run deep,

pumping stations move the shit along

to the night soil manufacturing plant.

 

Aw shit,

when gravity lines spring leaks,

Mother Nature’s greater salt water pressure

keeps the shit in the lines,

gravity leaks are easy to find,

dig down to and fix.

 

Aw shit,

grinder shit lines buried shallow

spring leaks not to be be found,

their shit goes into Mother Nature’s ground,

then into her water table,

then into her sea.

 

 

 

Aw shit, the whole point of sewering the Florida Keys

was to get rid of septic and cess,

not to replace them with grinder shit.

 

 

 

Aw shit,

a big sandy typhoon

covered a New Jersey subdivision

with grinder shit

inside the houses, too!

 

Aw shit,

gravity don’t break,

its lines and pumps easy to fix.

 

Aw shit,

grinders wear out pretty damn quick,

have to be fixed,

or thrown away and replaced.

 

Aw shit,

grinders have to run all the time,

let them sleep a while,

they don’t wake up,

snowbirds’ delight!

 

Aw shit,

the provincial governors keep blaming,

the waterboard told us to use grinders,

we don’t know about shit,

that’s their domain.

 

Aw shit,

Bob the Dean says,

I don’t like hearing that,

we told the provincial governors we wanted gravity,

they told us to do it cheap instead.

 

Aw shit,

I tell Bob the Dean,

I’m dang glad to hear you say that!

I been on fast learning curve

since selling me place on Little the Torch last August,

don’t got no dog in this here fight.

 

Aw shit, I say,

looks to me grinders are a really bad idea,

I know them provincial governors,

campaigned for some of them,

campaigned against some of them,

I like them,

but they done messed in in their pants,

got my dander up.

 

Aw shit, I say,

I hope you the waterboard will do two things:

Uno, order all work stopped on grinder pump systems;

duo, tell the five provincial governors

they are where all this shit falls,

we the waterboard want gravity wherever gravity will rock,

and we will install gravity

soon as the five governors agree to pay for it,

but we the waterboard aint’ having nuttin’

to do with no bad shit sewer system

that will ruin our reputation

en put us and the good people we serve

in the poor house under deep shit –

build your own outhouses,

if you don’t want it done right!

 

Aw shit, I say,

you the waterboard have the power to do this,

and the responsibility,

because you know gravity is better in the Keys

than grinder pumps.

 

Aw shit, I say,

you the waterboard were all appointed by Governor the Scott

who wants you to see to it

the money he and the Florida Parliament gave to the Keys,

and the money the provincial governors are raising locally to sewer the Keys,

is used get rid of the septic systems and cess pits,

not replace them with something just as shitty.

 

Aw shit, maybe thinks the waterboard,

this crazy ass lunatic is making sense …

 

Aw shit,

the crazy ass lunatic says,

you the waterboard do not have the manpower

to take care of lots of grinder pumps in a Hurricane Wilma event

with the power out

a tidal surge

shit all over the ground.

 

Aw shit,

the crazy ass lunatic says,

you the waterboard have the manpower to take care

gravity in a Wilma event.

 

 

 

Aw shit,

the crazy ass lunatic says,

I know all five provincial governors pretty well,

and they know me pretty well,

I campaigned for some of them

and campaigned against some of them,

I like them, but they have not done this shit right,

they wanted grinder pumps

because they had other things they

wanted to spend their tax money on.

Aw shit,

the crazy ass lunatic says,

you the waterboard are the only people

who can get this shit done right.

 

Aw shit,

the waterboard maybe thinking

if we don’t get this shit done right

then maybe we will end up covered with it!

 

Aw shit,

the crazy ass lunatic says,

just this morning in the Key West Citizen

an article about Key Largo shit management

using grinder pumps in outlying areas,

but closer in using something else – gravity?

No, Bob the Dean says.

Vacuum?

Yes, Bob the Dean says.

The second lesser of evil, gravity is best

the crazy lunatic says

and sayeth no more.

 

Aw shit,

Bob The Dean invites Kevin the Wilson

provincial engineer responsible for Cudjoe shit

to speak.

 

Aw shit,

only provincial employee there

Kevin the Wilson in a nutshell says

he recommended shit grinders to the five provincial governors

because they work just fine and and are cheaper to install,

unconscionable to hold the governors

to only spending the sales tax on sewers

when there are other things the governors want to buy.

 

Aw shit,

Bob the Dean says,

we the waterboard want gravity

and will install it if the provincial governors come up with the money –

(meaning, we the waterboard do not want shit grinders

and that shit’s the provincial governors’ to shovel.)

 

Aw shit, governors,

quit acting like crazy ass lunatics –

gravity and justice for all!!!

 

No shit,

after writing all of that

down in plain English prose,

I got hammered in a nap dream

because I had not done it in verse.

 

Aw shit,

some poetic license ensued.

Sloan Bashinsky

 

[email protected]

 

 

www.goodmorningkeywest.com

 

 

www.goodmorningfloridakeys.com

 

 

Aw shit,

this slid in later:

Hi, “FU Daily” presents the entire meeting in video for your viewing pleasure if you were not able to make the highly inconvenient time of 11:00 am this Wednesday morning.  If you don’t have time to watch the full half hour, please focus on the final 10 minutes in which the “old guy” from County tells us serfs how it’s gonna be whether we like it or not.  I wonder if his position is an elected one?  If so, please feel free to share this link with friends and neighbors who may wish to make their voices heard at the polls.  “Hey, you never know.”

 

Aw shit,

Kevin the Wilson just a hired hand,

he work for the five provincial governors

who be elected officials.