Dinosaurs at the Post Office

Mark Klingler/Carnegie Museum of Natural History

It might be a good idea not to mess with the chickens you see walking around outside the post office– or anywhere else around town for that matter. Paleontologists say that chickens are descendants of the dinosaurs, specifically the fearsome raptors. There is scientific consensus that all birds branched from a group of two-legged dinosaurs as a new category of animals about 150 million years ago. Today’s chickens share many skeletal features with dinosaurs; and fossils of some dinosaurs have been found with feathers and wing-like arms. If you saw the movie “Jurassic Park,” you know that, although raptors may have been smaller than most dinosaurs, they were certainly vicious, sharp-clawed killers. And fossils of a recently-discovered species of raptor reveal that a 500-pound, 10-feet-tall monster with a chicken-like head and feathers once existed. In fact, the scientists who discovered these fossils nicknamed this species the “chicken from hell.”

The truth about the more-recent origin of Key West’s “Gypsy Chickens” depends on which local historian you talk to. Some say that they are descendants of  the chickens brought here maybe 300 years ago by the pirates who hung out in Cayo Hueso. (The pirates were chased off by the U.S. Navy’s “pirate fleet” set up in Key West in 1822.) But for years, the only residents here were a few Calusa Indians and Cuban fishermen. The first permanent residents began to come to Key West in the early 1800s– and many owned chickens for eggs and meat and for the then-popular sport of cock fighting. But as grocery stores made eggs and chicken readily available without having to actually own chickens– and cock fighting was outlawed– the chickens became feral, just wandering around the island on their own. But as more people began to move to the island, a running feud began to develop between the residents who love the wild chickens and think they add to the charm of the island, and those who consider the chickens annoying pets– especially when they find their flower beds scratched up or when they are awakened at dawn by a crowing rooster.

During the years when I edited Key West The Newspaper (the Blue Paper), we published numerous stories about the “Chicken Wars.” This story had lots of chapters. Over the years, the City Commissioners announced more than once that they were going to “get rid of the chickens” and the director of the Public Works Department was told to make that happen. This resulted in the humorous spectacle of city employees chasing chickens around with nets. Commissioners soon gave that up in favor of hiring a local barber to act as the official Chicken Catcher. This made the national news and our Chicken Catcher ended up on a couple of the late night talk shows. But he didn’t catch very many chickens– and he finally quit in a huff during a dispute about how much per-chicken he was supposed to get paid. Also, he was frustrated because his traps were often sabotaged by local chicken lovers. Other would-be chicken catchers also cut deals with the city but those deals, too, were short lived. A major problem with getting rid of the chickens here was what to do with them after they were caught. Even many of those who hated the chickens were uncomfortable with the idea that the chickens were going to be “murdered”. And those who loved the chickens were not going to tolerate any chicken-killing at all! And they were voters. At first, city officials’ cover story was that the chickens that were caught were being trucked up to a farm in Homestead. But even when we were given directions to that farm, our investigative reporter couldn’t find it. But she did find a slaughterhouse in the same area.

For a number of years, a local woman offered “rooster rescue” services to residents who complained about noisy roosters in their neighborhoods. She had a more-or-less trained rooster that she would take to the neighborhood. The rooster would crow on cue and the neighborhood rooster would usually run out to protect his turf. The “Chicken Lady” would then trap and relocate the offending rooster. That enterprise evolved into the Chicken Store, which was located on upper Duval for several years. The store housed the Rooster Rescue League and sold chicken-related gifts, art and apparel.

Key West is a bird sanctuary, but whether or not chickens are legally protected here also depends on who you talk to. Regardless, the history of the chickens in Key West includes a history of abuse– ranging from dumbass tourists terrifying the birds by chasing them for no apparent reason, to bands of roving juvenile delinquents catching roosters and sadistically mutilating them by cutting off their red combs, to the latter-day rednecks who still train roosters for fighting. Wouldn’t it be interesting if, in those situations, our chickens could somehow draw upon their heritage as raptors to defend themselves. Probably not a practical idea. It might be difficult to explain the discovery of the bodies of chicken-chasers with their faces torn off. But it would probably put a stop to the childish chasing and perverse mutilation.

Dennis Reeves Cooper, Ph.D

Dennis Reeves Cooper founded Key West The Newspaper (the Blue Paper) in 1994 and was editor and publisher until he retired in 2012.